A Mother’s Story
Isabel McCue | Founder of Nemo Arts
This is my story as a mother. I share it to help others—especially professionals working in mental health—understand how deeply mental illness can affect not only individuals, but entire families. Please listen to us, work with us and support us.
John
On 9 July 1969, my son John was born. I remember looking at him and thinking I had never seen anything so beautiful.
John grew into a strong, gentle and kind young man. He was creative and wrote beautiful songs and poetry. He was a loving son and brother, but trauma in his life led to serious mental illness.
John was around 22 when I first noticed that he was unwell. He became distant and withdrawn, spending hours staring out of the window and speaking to himself. At the same time, my husband was dying from cancer, and our family was under enormous strain.
Over the years that followed, I watched John become increasingly distressed, paranoid and frightened. His behaviour changed and his pain became more visible, but too often professionals saw only his symptoms rather than the person behind them.
Asking for help
I asked for help—from our GP, mental health services and helplines—but I was repeatedly told that John had to seek help himself. He couldn’t. He didn’t understand that he was ill, so how could he know how to ask for the support he needed?
As his illness became worse, John began to believe that we were not his real family and that we were trying to harm him. Emergency doctors were eventually called and John was admitted to hospital. I thought this would be the beginning of meaningful help, but the trust between us was broken when things I had shared with a doctor in confidence were repeated to him. John denied them, I felt that I had betrayed him, and he left the hospital the following day.
From then on, we lived from one crisis to the next.
John experienced periods of homelessness. He was injured, confused and frightened by the voices he heard. He turned to drugs—not for pleasure, but as a desperate attempt to cope with pain he could not otherwise manage. The consistent care and community support he needed simply were not there.
I tried to hold everything together for John, for my younger son and for our family. I repeatedly warned professionals that John was deteriorating, but I never felt that anyone truly listened.
John was eventually arrested after misinterpreting something he witnessed in public. He spent six months in prison awaiting psychiatric reports. At a time when he most needed understanding and treatment, he was more alone than ever.
Losing John
On 1 May 2000, after spending five months in hospital, John left the ward. That day, he died by suicide.
John was not just another statistic or a diagnosis. He was a kind, gentle and creative young man. He was a songwriter, a poet, a brother and my son.
The system failed him. It failed all of us.
Nothing can take away the pain of losing John, but from that heartbreak came a determination to create something that could help others.
The beginning of Nemo Arts
I founded Nemo Arts because I did not want other people and families to suffer in silence.
We created a space that was not clinical or controlling—a place where people could feel welcome, express themselves and be seen for who they were rather than defined by a diagnosis. Through art, music and creativity, people could build confidence, connect with others and pursue recovery in their own way.
Today, Nemo Arts works in communities, psychiatric hospitals and prisons. We continue to create spaces where people experiencing poor mental health can take part without judgement, discover their abilities and feel that they belong.
Our work cannot change what happened to John, but his life and his story continue to guide everything we do.
For those still struggling
John’s story is not an isolated one. Many people experiencing mental illness still struggle to get the understanding and support they need. Their families and the people who care about them carry that struggle too.
If you are supporting someone, please keep going. If you work within mental health services, please listen to families and recognise the person behind the symptoms. If you are struggling yourself, please remember that you are not alone.
Recovery is not a straight line. Everyone deserves the opportunity to find their own way forward, with dignity, compassion and the right support.
Isabel McCue
Founder of Nemo Arts—and John’s mum, always.
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Whether you’re looking for support, helping someone else, arranging a creative project or considering supporting our work, there is a place for you at Nemo Arts.